Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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