Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
