i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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