My room smells like vodka and shame
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
