That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
