What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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