There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
