I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Randomize
