I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
