A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
they're like a gay fantastic four
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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