I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Randomize
