Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
