Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
