It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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