U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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