You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
