apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
