Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
