i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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