Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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