the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
