Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
