you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Pants are for mortals
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
