I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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