I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I can't trust your balls anymore.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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