I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
worst night to have a conscience
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
