My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I have aggressive nipples.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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