I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
