I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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