I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
