Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
