I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Acid is not a monday night drug
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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