I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize