Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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