Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
