You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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