How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
