nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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