Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
