you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
