That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
