life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
