I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
