I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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