First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
