Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Randomize
