I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
