dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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