Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize