i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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