Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize