somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize