my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
