Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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