You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize