i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
