i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Come share oat with me in your robe
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
