He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
we're so committed to being not committed
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
