We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
