I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize