did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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