you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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