help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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